I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
