His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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