so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
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Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
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I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
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