I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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