You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
How does one acquire holy water?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
