You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
