After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
