You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize