My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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