Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
