Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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