If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
People with herpes should wear stickers.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
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I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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