mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
