It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize