Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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