i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
