in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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