brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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