I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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