I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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