after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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