I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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