just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?