Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.