He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks