Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(503): View more from Oregon

I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.

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(503): I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats. http://tfl.nu/4me1

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon

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(717): and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon http://tfl.nu/u9ei

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man

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(215): we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man http://tfl.nu/tkk9

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(489): View more from

watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .

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(489): watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on . http://tfl.nu/coqw

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.

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(508): my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together. http://tfl.nu/95cx

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(912): View more from Georgia

It's shedding

(1-912): View more from Georgia

I told you penises don't tan

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(912): It's shedding (1-912): I told you penises don't tan http://tfl.nu/7fx9

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(605): View more from South Dakota

Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?

(1-605): View more from South Dakota

No. It just means your good at giving head.

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(605): Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head? (1-605): No. It just means your good at giving head. http://tfl.nu/6xkt

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(714): View more from California

You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"

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(714): You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party" http://tfl.nu/cx8m

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.

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(+44): You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery. http://tfl.nu/036p

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(909): View more from California

I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...

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(909): I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"... http://tfl.nu/z8ro

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(860): View more from Connecticut

This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.

(802): View more from Vermont

So basically you were a dog.

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(860): This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground. (802): So basically you were a dog. http://tfl.nu/0n1s

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(432): View more from Texas

I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?

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(432): I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good? http://tfl.nu/n0mc

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(519): View more from Ontario

He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.

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(519): He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire. http://tfl.nu/chwr

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(+61): View more from Australia

I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.

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(+61): I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you. http://tfl.nu/i3nm

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(309): View more from Illinois

I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.

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(309): I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game. http://tfl.nu/d55q

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