dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Less talking, more tequila
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok