Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.