how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
