im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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