we have pet lesbian snakes
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
how drunk are you?
Several
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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