So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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