Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize