All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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