so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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