Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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