All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
