your thong is hanging out like whoa
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
