My girlfriend figured out who you are.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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