I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.