I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room