ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.