i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.