Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.