I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
