Define "chronic" masturbator.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
