My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
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My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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