Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.