okay pat passed out under dana's car
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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