Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
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btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
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Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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