Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
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He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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