I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
