Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
