We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dont lie about slip and slides
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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