apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
