It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
