got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
