He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
