When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
